Spooky Silly Sexy Fairy Tale

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A couple of things before you read this story:

a) There is some violence, although it’s mostly intended to be of the dark humor sort.

b) There is sex (duh), but it comes much later in the story.

c) There is no sexual violence (not really my bag).

That’s all I have to say about that. Hope you enjoy!


The man sat in a dark corner of the crowded bar and observed the chaotic idiocy around him.

“Halloween,” he muttered to himself, “what a joke.”

A normal weekend was bad enough in his opinion. The town was filled with college students looking for any reason at all to get shitfaced. But Halloween…oh boy, the idiots really came out to play then. Every year the level of tomfoolery seemed to grow exponentially. The streets would be covered in condoms, beer bottles, and puke before the night was through, like a fresh blanket of putrid snow.

The man continued to brood in the corner as he had for much of the night, using the tip of his tongue to toy with his vampire fangs. His were not of cheap plastic, mind you. He had his made out of porcelain years ago to custom fit his mouth. Of course, he really didn’t need Halloween as an excuse to wear them. Little did anyone know that he actually wore them on most days of the year. If he actually smiled once in a while or, you know, spoke to someone from time to time, people might have gotten a glimpse of them by now.

But he didn’t like to speak to people very much. He had no friends or family really to speak of, and that was how he liked it. For as long as he could remember, he had felt detached from society, like he didn’t belong anywhere, not even to the race of human-beings that he supposedly was scientifically a part of. Not only did he not feel like he belonged, but he felt strongly that he was above the common man, superior in every way imaginable. His point was driven home in his mind as he observed a drunken fool across the room with four lit cigarettes in his mouth trying to chug a beer.

“Idiot,” he said to himself.

As far as he was concerned, a human was no different than any other common pest. What do you do if you see a roach scurry across your kitchen floor? Without hesitation, you chase it down and stomp the life out of it. Oh, how he longed to take the life of someone. He felt the saliva drip from his sharp fangs as he imagined for about the millionth time in his life what it would be like when he finally got the courage to sink his teeth deeply into the neck of one of those pathetic creatures and drain every drop of warm, salty-

“Frances!” someone suddenly called out to him, mere inches from his face.

Frances was immediately knocked out of his stupor, so startled that he literally fell out of his chair and onto his back.

“Yes sir?” Frances replied shakily from the floor.

“The fucking trash, Frances. Have you seen it lately?”

“No sir, Mr. Anderson,” Frances replied.

“Well I have. It is overflowing. It is more than overflowing. It has, in fact, overflown. Now get your scrawny vampire ass up off the goddamn ground and dump the fucking trash, Frances. Now!”

“Yes sir, Mr. Anderson,” Frances replied.

“Oh, and when you’re done,” Mr. Anderson continued with a smirk, “the toilet’s clogged again in the boy’s bathroom. There’s piss and shit everywhere. You know what to do.”

With that, Mr. Anderson walked away.

Frances took his time standing up. He brushed off his cape and pulled his high collar up as far around his face as it would go. As he made his way across the bar towards the trash cans, he had to weave in between about what had to literally be a hundred zombies. It was a very popular year for zombie costumes. The very bar that Frances worked at was actually hosting a zombie costume competition with a grand prize of free drinks for a year. Obviously, one can see the appeal that would have to college students.

Frances gathered up the two giant sacks of trash from the corner of the bar and dragged them out the back entrance that led into the alley. The sound of hundreds of glass bottles crashing together rang sharply through the dark alley as he heaved them into the dumpster.

Instead of returning immediately back to the bar and getting started on his next task, Frances took a moment to just sit on the pavement, his back against the dumpster. He closed his eyes and pictured himself at the end of the night, the sweet relief of closing time upon him. He would still have to sweep, mop, and wipe down surfaces, but at least that was something he could do in peace and quiet. Mr. Anderson would leave ahead of him, and even though Frances had never forgotten to lock up in the fifteen years that he had worked at that grimy bar, he’d rudely remind him to lock the doors when he left, as if he were some kind of idiot.

But maybe tonight he wouldn’t need to lock the doors, since he wouldn’t be working there anymore if he actually followed through with his long-time plan. Maybe tonight would finally be the night where he followed Mr. Anderson to his car, stealthily behind him the whole time. Frances would http://www.izmirlitv.com/ be sneaky enough to gently open the back door of Mr. Anderson’s car on the passenger side, and time it perfectly so that they both closed their doors at exactly the same moment. Mr. Anderson would be clueless that Frances lurked in the dark back seat of his car as he accelerated down the road. Was there was a stop sign on a country road? Or was there a deserted stoplight? Or perhaps Mr. Anderson had a dark driveway and no neighbors nearby…Frances would just have to wait and see. There would be an opportune time to suck the life out of his throat, and Frances would have the patience to wait for that moment.

Jovial laughter from the street knocked him out of his trance. Once again, Frances found himself standing up off of a dirty surface and brushing himself off.

Tonight probably wasn’t the night, and he knew it. It would probably just be like any other night, just a little bit more mess to clean up because of the larger crowd.

Oh well, he thought, it was still fun to fantasize. Perhaps one day he would truly embrace the vampire that he knew deep down he was, and maybe that day was sooner than he could have ever imagined.


“Manny, are you absolutely certain we’ll be able to get in?” Dante asked as the group of friends slowly made their way down the sidewalk.

“Dude, will you please chill the fuck out?” Manny responded. “I’ve already told you, the Sigma Chi guys I talked to last week assured me they’d let me in, and anyone I brought with me.”

“It’s just kinda hard to believe, Manny,” Dante said. “Their Halloween parties are, like, world famous. And we’re just gonna be able to walk in there like it’s nothing?”

Manny stopped and faced his friend.

“Dante, who’s the leader of this group?” Manny asked.

“We have a leader?” Dante asked.

“I’ve always thought of Dominic as our leader,” Dave chimed in.

“No, Dominic’s the muscle,” Manny said with a slight tone of annoyance.

“Oh,” Dave replied.

“Dominic’s the muscle, Dante is the brains, Dave, you’re the money, and I’m the leader,” Manny explained.

“Then what does that make me?” Bobby asked.

Manny turned his attention to Bobby and looked him up and down.

“You’re the fat gaywad that decided to dress up as a cowboy for Halloween.”

“Jeez Manny, ease up,” Dante said.

“Yeah,” Bobby said. “You’re not supposed to say things like that anymore.”

“Things like what?” Manny asked defensively.

“Things like ‘gaywad’. It’s offensive.”

Manny stared at Bobby with a mixture of confusion and defiance on his face.

“Offensive to who?” Manny asked.

“Homosexuals,” replied Bobby.

“Are you gay?” Manny asked.


“Then what the hell do you care?”

Bobby rolled his eyes as the group continued to walk towards the frat house that was still several blocks away.

Dominic hung towards the back, not really in the mood for the bantering that his friends were having. He guessed he was excited for the party that they were going to, but he also figured that he would have been just as happy hanging out in his room alone that night and playing video games or something.

“What’s your deal?” Manny asked all of a sudden, looking back at Dominic.

It took a few seconds for Dominic to realize that Manny was talking to him.

“Huh?” Dominic asked.

“Why are you so quiet?”

“I dunno.”

“Are you embarrassed that you’re the only one not wearing a costume? Because you should be.”

“I am wearing a costume.”

“You’re wearing your hockey jersey and jeans. You wear that all the time. Doesn’t count.”

Dominic looked down at his blue and white jersey, tugging on the bottom of it so that he could stretch it out and study it. He wasn’t really quite sure why he felt the need to do that.

“Yeah, sorry Dominic, but he’s right,” Dante chimed in.

“And this is a costume mandatory party, you know,” Manny continued. “So don’t get upset with me if they don’t let you in.”

“I’m not too worried about it,” Dominic said.

“Of course, I guess it’s better than dressing up as a goddamn pencil,” Manny said.

Dominic looked at Dave. He, quite literally, was dressed up as a giant number two pencil.

“What’s wrong with my costume?” Dave asked defensively.

“It is pretty weird,” Dante agreed.

“Almost as gay as Bobby’s cowboy,” Manny said.

“Yeah, but like, I’ve got a great pick-up line I can use on girls,” Dave said with a huge grin.

“What’s that?” Dante asked.

“I can say something like, ‘Hey girl, I’m feeling a little dull. You got anywhere I can stick my tip and sharpen up?'”

Everyone burst out laughing. Even Dominic, in his foul mood, couldn’t help but join in with his friends as they all laughed at Dave.

“I was wrong,” Manny said, “your costume is definitely gayer than Bobby’s.”

“Whatever,” Dave said. “At least I’m not something cliche’ like you with your cheap, dollar store version of Superman.”

“Shut up Dave,” Manny said threateningly. “I’m pretty sure Superman could snap a pencil in half with just two fingers, and if you’re not careful, that’s exactly what’ll happen.”

Dave looked annoyed, but decided not to say anything else.

As they continued to walk, Dominic remained at the back of the pack of five friends. Well, Dominic guessed they were all friends. They hung out a lot, but he wasn’t sure if he necessarily considered them all friends. If he was completely honest with himself, he really only thought of Dante, who was also his roommate, as a really good friend. Manny was an asshole, Dave was kind of snobby, and Bobby…well he was nice enough, but he and Dominic never really had much to talk about.

As if on cue, Dante looked back at Dominic and fell behind a little so that they were walking side-by-side.

“You good?” Dante asked, low enough so the rest of them couldn’t hear.

“Yeah man, I’m fine,” Dominic replied. “I’m just a little stressed, I guess. Hockey season just started and practices are kind of brutal. Plus we’ve got a lot of away games coming up and that gets a little tough.”

“I bet. You still like playing though, right?”

“Oh yeah, I love it. I wouldn’t be in college without it, honestly.”

“Still thinking you can go pro?”

“I hope so. I dunno, I feel like so many of these international guys have a leg up on me. We don’t really take our hockey as seriously in this country as some other places do.”

“You’ll get in man, I just know it.”

“Thanks,” Dominic replied. “So…what’s the deal with the pirate outfit?”

Dante looked down and surveyed himself.

“Oh yeah…I don’t know, I had the sword already. Kinda just wanted an excuse to carry it around and show it off, to be honest.”

“Wait…is that a real sword?”

Dante pulled the sword from the sheath attached to his belt and held it in front of himself.

“Yep! It was my grandfather’s. I loved looking at it as a kid, I’d always ask him to tell me stories about it and stuff. So he put it in his will that when he died, I could have it. And lucky for me, he didn’t make it past the summer!”

“That is lucky,” Dominic replied.

“Hey Dominic,” Manny called back, “isn’t that your sister?”

Dominic felt a jolt of panic course through his body as he looked across the street to where Manny was pointing.

“Ah shit,” Dominic said under his breath, not loud enough for anyone else to hear.

“What up ladies!?” Manny called across the street at Dominic’s sister and two of her friends.

The girls looked over at the group of guys. Dominic tried to subtlety position himself so that Dante blocked his sister’s view of him, but it didn’t work.

“Dominic?” Jules called back.

“No, I’m Manny,” Manny said.

“Yeah, I know who you are,” she replied. “I was just trying not to acknowledge your existence.”

“Could you be more attracted to me?” Manny asked brazenly.

The three girls crossed the street and stood on the sidewalk in front of the group of guys.

“Hey Dominic,” his sister said to him.

“Hi Jules,” Dominic replied.

Manny placed himself in front of Dominic so that Jules couldn’t help but look at him.

“So where are you ladies headed on this lovely evening?” Manny asked.

“Eh, just going into town,” Jules replied. “Figured we’d try to see if a bar would let us in or something.”

“With those costumes,” Manny said, looking at each of the girls lustfully, “they’d be crazy not to.”

“For real,” Dave said as he checked the girls out himself. “So Jules…what do you call yourself exactly?”

“I’m Sleeping Beauty,” Jules replied.

“Interesting,” Manny said. “I didn’t know Sleeping Beauty showed so much cleavage. I also didn’t know that her dress was so short that half her ass was hanging out in the back.”

Dominic peaked around Manny and got a quick, up close glance at his sister’s outfit. It was quite a skimpy and revealing pink dress, and it made him feel extremely uncomfortable.

“Well, I guess I’m Sleeping Beauty with a twist,” Jules said, adjusting the little fake crown on her head.

“I’ll say,” Manny said. “But let’s not ignore your lovely companions. I thought Catwoman wore tights, Emma-Claire.”

“I’m not Catwoman,” Emma-Claire replied. “Just a cat.”

“I see,” Manny said. “Well, I’m not complaining. If skimpy black underwear and cat ears is what you call a costume, then I’m all for it.”

“Don’t be such a perv, dude,” Emma-Claire said.

“You’re the one dressed like a slut, dear,” Manny retorted. “You don’t want eyes on you? Then put on some damn pants.”

“Such a guy thing to say,” Jules said.

“Indeed,” Manny said unabashed. “And finally, the beautiful Misty!”

“Hi Manny!” Misty replied eagerly.

“Hey beautiful. Love the storm trooper outfit.”

“Thank you!”

“I’m not a huge Star Wars fan,” Dante began, “but didn’t most storm troopers in the movie not have the majority of their tits hanging out of their armor? Actually…didn’t none of them even have tits?”

Misty looked confused.

“What’s Star Wars?” she asked sincerely.

“Misty, it’s…” Dante began with a tone of frustration. “Star Wars is the movie that your costume…ah, never mind.”

Misty just smiled and shrugged, turning her dreamy gaze back to Manny.

“So where are you guys headed, anyway?” Jules asked.

“Oh, nowhere special,” Manny said carelessly. “Just the Sigma Chi party down the street.”

“Are you fucking serious!?” Emma-Claire asked excitedly.

“Yep!” Dave chimed in. “Manny met some of the guys from the frat last week and got us all an invitation.”

“Yes, it’s true,” Manny replied. “You know me, I’m such a charming individual. I meet people, they love me, invite me places, give me gifts, offer me their daughter’s hands in marriage, etcetera etcetera.”

“Ugh,” Jules said with a look of disgust.

“Careful Jules, or else I won’t invite you guys to come along with us.”

Emma-Claire stepped up beside Jules and put her hand on Jules’ arm.

“She didn’t mean it, Manny,” Emma-Claire said. “And she’s very sorry.”

“No I’m not,” Jules said defiantly.

“It’s okay Emma-Claire,” Manny said, “you guys can come. Even the rude, but incredibly hot princess.”

Manny stepped up beside Misty and offered her his arm.

“Shall I lead the way then?” he asked.

Misty just giggled stupidly and linked her arm in with Manny’s.

The group took off together down the sidewalk. Dominic once again purposely stayed towards the back with Dante.

“Yeah…I’m gonna catch up to Emma-Claire I think,” Dante said quietly to Dominic as he stared at Emma-Claire’s ass. “You okay if I leave you alone?”

“I’m not a chihuahua, dude. You can go talk to the girl. I promise I won’t start whining and shivering.”


Just as Dominic feared, however, as soon as Dante caught up to Emma-Claire, Jules looked back, stopped in her tracks, and waited for her brother to catch up to her.

“Hey,” Jules said simply, slowing down to match Dominic’s pace as the rest of the group slowly pulled away from them.

“Hey,” Dominic replied.

“Long time no hear.”

“Hasn’t been that long.”

“It’s been a month.”

“That isn’t really that long.”

“It’s a long time for us.”

Dominic just shrugged. He really did not want to have the conversation that he thought they were about to have.

“We need to talk about it,” she said.

“No,” Dominic replied.

“Why not?”

“Because…because it’s cringey.”

“I know it’s cringey, but that’s exactly why we need to talk about it.”

“I don’t wanna.”

“But we haven’t hung out or spoken or anything in so long, Dominic. I…well, I kinda miss you a little.”

Dominic sighed loudly.

“I’ve just been busy, Jules. Hockey season just started, and-“

“Yeah, well hockey season didn’t stop you last year from hanging out with me.”

“I know, but this year I’m really trying to step up my game. You know I’m trying to enter the NHL draft next year.”

“I don’t care. It’s still no excuse to go so long without so much as a text message from you. I’m your little sister, you know. This is my freshman year at a big, new, scary university. I need you to look after me.”

Dominic cut his eyes at her.

“Yeah, well, you’re probably right on that one if that’s what you’re typically wearing these days.”

“Oh stop. You know this is just a one time thing. I like how I feel and look in it.”

Dominic found his eyes wanting to wander up and down her body, and he hoped desperately that he was able to avert his gaze before she noticed.

“So anyway,” Jules continued, “about the unfortunate incident.”

“No,” Dominic said again.

“How about I just talk us through everything that happened, step by step, and when I’m done, we’ll both feel better. Okay?”


“Okay,” she continued, ignoring his mild protest, “let’s start at the beginning. You pull in to Mom and Dad’s driveway on the day of their anniversary party. There are no vehicles in the driveway, so you figure no one is home, right?”

“Please stop.”

“So you let yourself in and, what, maybe you walked into the kitchen looking for something to eat? Is that right?”


“Little did you know that the only reason there were no cars in the driveway was because Dad had just taken my car to the shop to have the brake pads changed, and Mom was driving their car behind him so she could pick him up and they could do a little grocery shopping before the party.”

“Mmpf,” Dominic groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb.

“You’re in the kitchen, and much to your surprise, you hear a noise coming from one the back bedrooms.”


“I’m sure that was a little scary, especially since you thought no one was home. I bet you thought that someone was breaking in or something, right?”


“You slowly creep back to find that the noise is coming from my bedroom. It was probably really strange to you that my door was closed, since as far as you knew Mom and Dad didn’t keep our bedroom doors closed like that since we moved out.”

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