Finding Home

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Finding HomeFound this gem onlineFinding Homeby Bob W.Sometimes it seems to me that destiny, fate, God, depending on how you tend torefer to it, has a very twisted way of working things. Most of us spend much ofour lives searching. Half the time we have no idea what we are searching for,yet we continue to push onward. That funny twist comes when that thing we weresearching for finally shows itself and we then realize it had been there allalong. Such has been the case for me and the home I have finally found.I had no idea how destiny was in control my freshman year of high school.Middle school had been tough, the usual pubescent torture chamber, but it didnot prepare me for the horror of my first year as a high school student.I attended a small town high school in the middle of the country, one of thoseplaces where everyone knows everyone, yet it was large enough that things couldhappen without everyone knowing it. It was the mid-70’s, a time when we werejust beginning to hear about the “homasexshuls” in New York or San Francisco.Gay on television and in movies was presented as comic relief, something toscare the hell out of the macho hero. Being called gay was the ultimate insultat my high schoolAt that time, I had not quite hit the growth spurt that comes with puberty, soI was a small, thin, frail boy. I had my own crew of friends, but we weresomewhat the outcasts, the “geeks” as some referred to us. I was also thetarget of much teasing from some of the older boys, mostly athletic types, inour school. It hurt even more that some of these boys were seen as leaders androle models by most of the teachers, while my friends and I appeared not evento exist. That teasing soon grew into my being labeled gay by my tormentors. Ofcourse I argued back, no way was I gay, don’t call me a fag. My close friendseven began to find it all very funny. School was hell, I dreaded every momentof it.Then one day, something amazing occurred. I had been sent out of class todeliver a message to the office. As I walked alone down one long, lonelycorridor, I encountered four of my worst tormentors. Before I realized what washappening, they had me cornered against the lockers with no way out. Then theverbal assault began.”Hey fag, going to see your boyfriend?””Have you sucked anyone off today?””How come you act like a fag?””Damn gayboy, I ought to beat the fag right out of you!”And so it went for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was only a fewminutes. I fought back tears the entire time, but could not find the words toanswer any of their asinine statements. I knew anything I said would only makethings worse, yet my silence only seemed to infuriate them even more.”Hey guys, got some trouble there?” a deep, almost angry voice spoke out. I gota glimpse from the speaker as the four bullies turned around guiltily.”Uh, no Coach,” one of them began. “We were just–” he continued but was notallowed to finish as Coach interrupted.”Then why don’t you let this young man get on his way,” Coach said to the boys.Turning to me he said, “You should be in class, shouldn’t you?”Finding my voice, I replied, “I was going to the office to deliver a message.”Coach stepped between the boys and me and said, “Then head on that way and getback to class. There shouldn’t be any more problems here.” He smiled at me in away that made me feel safe for the first time in a long time, with his blueeyes sparkling in a way that said he understood how I felt. As I walked away, Iheard Coach really letting the others have it.Coach Williams had only been at our school for one year. He was twenty-eight,fresh out of college after a short stint in the military. I never knew much ofhis personal life, but I would come to appreciate Coach for the rest of myyears in high school. He was one of the few teachers that really seemed tonotice the “geeks” like me. He took care of us guys and girls that weremisfits. Coach was also great at his job. As I saw on that day, he demanded astandard of excellence from his athletes. This won him almost as many enemiesas it did allies among his students, and even some teachers and parents. Itseems where I grew up, that there was a natural “pecking order” which wassupposed to make us boys toughen up. Coach Williams fought against that.At graduation, I wanted to see a few teachers, but Coach Williams was top on mylist. It wasn’t until I stepped up to say goodbye that I began to realize howmuch he meant to me. His blue eyes showed that same sparkle as he congratulatedme on finishing school. I thanked him for all his help. He reached out to shakehands as I felt a lump in my throat. I became very confused, wondering justwhat I was feeling. Coach simply shook my hand firmly, but tenderly. He smiledand wished me good luck and then turned to speak to other students. For amoment I was stunned, not knowing what to think. Friends finally came along aswe headed off to celebrate. Still, I could not shake the growing question in mymind. Just how much did Coach Williams mean to me?Years passed as I floundered around, living with my parents, getting into, andthen dropping out of college. It seemed that I could not find the place where Ibelonged. I thought of Coach Williams often, but would push away any thoughtsthat I had been in love. After all, I was a good Christian boy. How could I begay?I finally completed college and became a teacher. I guess deep down I knew thiswas because of Coach, but still I knew that I was not gay.To prove that fact, I started dating the first girl I met after beginning myfirst teaching job back home. I was back in the old familiar surrounding,feeling safe and comfortable. I enjoyed teaching and enjoyed having agirlfriend. We even talked of getting married. As far as I was concerned, thatsettled the matter of being gay. I couldn’t be gay if I was going to getmarried.Then, after about a year, the romance fell a part. The blame belongs to both,but I know that I started the beginning of the end. Things just didn’t seemright. halkalı escort I wasn’t happy with her. Any form of “making out” seemed like a chorefor me. But, that wasn’t because I was gay. That was because I wasn’t ready tosettle down.After a few more years in familiar surroundings, I decided to venture out andhead west. While living on the coast, I began to come to terms with who I was.All that denial, all of the self-loathing didn’t change a thing. I was gay. Itfelt good, I felt free. Yet I was still afraid to venture out and date. I stillhad to endure the brainwashing of a conservative Christian upbringing. I couldbe gay, but I just had to spend my life alone so God would not be angry withme. I spent many long lonely nights. Often on those nights, my thoughts wouldturn to Coach Williams. I knew then he was my first “crush.” I wondered wherehe was and how he was doing.Time moved along quickly until one day I found myself approaching forty. Havingnever been with a man, I had come to accept the fact that I was meant to livemy life alone, being a “confirmed bachelor.” I also decided to move back closerto home. No one there would ever know or even think I was gay. My “ugly secret”would be safe.I found work at a small town high school, about 150 miles from where I hadgrown up. The school was new and growing, so they were screaming for teachers.In fact, the interview process moved so quickly that I only met with theschool’s principal for ten minutes before he said I was hired. He told me Iwould meet the assistant principal at our first meeting. I got settled in andlooked forward to a new year.At that first meeting, the principal was walking around introducing theassistant principal to all of us new hires. I watched this quietly from adistance, talking to some of the others I would be teaching with that year. Ihad my back turned as I felt the principal’s hand on my shoulder. He said,”Bob, I would like you to meet our assistant principal, Jim Williams.” I turnedto find an amazing sight.”Coach Williams?” I said tentatively, still recognizing the sparkle in thosebeautiful blue eyes.He looked at me for a moment then said, “Why Bobby, Bobby…” and trailed offtrying to remember my last name.”Bob Perry, ” I said helping out. Coach took my hand with that same grip Iremember from graduation.”Bobby, I mean Bob, was a student at the school where I had my first job,”Coach explained to the principal. We did the small talk and catch up thing.Coach informed me that he was now Mr. Williams, but I should call him Jim. Itold him that it might be hard to switch from Coach, we laughed, and then hemoved on to meet others. I stood stunned, feeling many old feeling rush back into me.I have no idea what was said at that meeting when Coach was talking. Afteryears of denying who I was, I left it all rush over me in that one afternoon. Ifound myself very attracted to Coach. He was older and even more handsome. Hewas still just a little taller than me, even though I had grown since highschool. He had put on weight and his hair was going gray, both of which madehim that much more attractive. And those eyes, those blue eyes still sparkledwhen he smiled.The school year moved along quickly as they so often do. Coach and I had sometime to catch up. I told him of my move west and return and he told me how hehad decided to enter administration, but wanted a new school to do it in. Hehad been assistant principal for going on four years.One Friday, as the month of March was bringing along spring, Coach and I werehaving lunch by ourselves. The conversation had slowed when Coach asked, “So,you aren’t married, are you?””No,” I replied, feeling a little nervous. “I dated a girl fairly seriously,but that was a few years ago. I guess I am not quite over her.” To me the liewas obvious, say that instead of saying I was gay. “How about you?” I asked,turning the tables.”I married, not too long after you graduated,” Coach said. “We were divorcedafter three and a half years. Nice girl, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be.””And you haven’t remarried then?” I asked, wanting to keep the conversation onhim.”No,” he said. “I guess marriage isn’t for me.”Just then the bell rang, signaling the beginning of my next class. “Well,” Isaid, “off to work.”Coach smiled and said, “Enjoyed talking to you as always. Have a greatafternoon.” He turned and walked away. As I watched him go, I felt the desire Ihad felt since first seeing him again. I also let myself play with the idea ofwhat he meant when he said that marriage wasn’t for him.That afternoon, as I left school, I saw Coach walking out to the running trackthat is a part of our school. He was wearing a t-shirt, running shorts, andsneakers.”Wow, this looks serious,” I said. “Looks like someone is going to get someexercise!””Yes, I try to walk a few laps every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday,” Coachsaid. “Doesn’t keep me in great shape, but it keeps me in better shape thansitting behind the desk all day.””I know what you mean, ” I replied. “I could use some exercise myself.””You’re welcome to join me,” Coach said. “Bring your workout stuff and we canwalk some laps on Monday.””I think I will,” I said. Coach said goodbye and headed for the track as Iheaded to my car. I couldn’t resist having one last look before driving away. Ihad always seen him in a suit. To see him wearing those shorts was quite atreat. All weekend long he kept crossing my mind. Monday during the day I sawCoach only once. “Don’t forget, be at the track after school. You can change inthe guys’ locker room. No one will be using it.”After school, I headed to the locker room. Coach was leaving as I was going in.”I’ll meet you out at the track, ” he said.I have to admit, I was a little let down as I changed in the locker room. I hadhoped he would be changing at the same time I was. I took off my clothes andstood naked for a moment, wondering what it would be like to have him see menaked. olgun escort I shook the thought and began dressing in my workout clothes. I caughtup with Coach at the track and we walked our laps.As we finished, Coach said, “I have a couple of things to do in my officebefore I head home.”I said I would go ahead to the locker room and change, again feelingdisappointed that our paths would not cross. In the locker room I tried tostall for time, but became afraid that things would appear obvious. I wentahead and dressed and was walking out the door as he came in.”I think I need a shower!” he said as he came in.I was afraid my face would show the disappointment that I had not waited just afew moments more.”I am heading out,” I said. “See you tomorrow.””Alright, ” Coach said. “Have a nice evening.”Right before I turned to leave, Coach took off his shirt. It was all I could donot to stare at his bare chest covered in soft gray hair. He didn’t seem tomind that I saw this, but still I was afraid my reactions were too obvious.As soon as I stepped out the locker room door, I regretted my decision. Thefact was I wanted to see more. I stood for a while, trying to think of someruse to go back into the locker room. Finally, my heart beating loudly, Iquietly opened the door just a bit to peek in.I could hear water running but could not see Coach. I was just about to closethe door and leave when he appeared carrying a towel and wearing only hisrunning shorts. I let the door close a little bit, hoping he would not see melooking in. Coach laid the towel on a bench then, with his back to me, took offhis shorts. There he was standing completely naked in front of me. I felt myheart ache at how beautiful he was. Broad shoulders, his sides showing a hintof the stomach he carried. I watched as his fleshy behind bounced slightly aswalked toward the shower. I was just about to close the door when he walkedback to get the towel, giving me full view of his naked front. His chest andstomach were perfect, as was his crotch. He wasn’t too big or too little. Hepicked up the towel, stood for a moment, as if he was showing me himself onpurpose, then turned and walked back to the shower giving me another look atthat wonderful backside.I then let the door close and all but ran to my car. All the way home I triedto keep those beautiful images fresh and alive. I hit the door to my apartment,throwing my things down and tearing off my clothes at the same time. Naked, Iran into the bathroom and kneeled at the toilet. I was already quite hard, soit only took a few jerks before I came. It was very intense, picturing Coach’snaked body. I sat on the floor, trying to catch my breath for a moment. I wentback into the apartment to pick things up, after which I decided to shower.Standing in the shower, I began to think of what I had seen. It didn’t takelong again before I found myself hard. This time I had more self-control, so Ihad more time to think of Coach. Amazingly enough, I was able to repeat thewhole thing after dinner and a little TV. I went to bed tired and sore.The next day on the way to school, I felt that little pang of guilt that alwaysseemed to accompany any thoughts I had of sex. My thought that Coach had wantedme to see him had turned to the paranoid fact that he knew I had seen him andthen also knew what I had done when I got home. Because of this, I avoided anycontact with him during the day.It was just after school, when Coach walked into my empty classroom. “You stillup for some laps tomorrow?” he asked.I looked up into those blue eyes and that wonderful smile. “Sure,” I said.”Great,” he began, “be sure to bring your stuff!”By Wednesday afternoon, I could hardly concentrate on anything. All I couldthink about was what had happened Monday night. Would it happen again, Iwondered. I was disappointed to find him already done changing in the lockerroom when I arrived. I changed and headed to the track.I was surprised to find myself not thinking too much about the possibilities ofthe locker room as we walked our laps. Our conversation was wonderful. I beganto tell Coach about my years in college as he told me about his time in themilitary. We continued to walk and talk for quite sometime until Coach said,”Well, I guess it is about time to head in.””It is getting late,” I replied.As we were walking in, Coach said, “You know, when the k**s are all gone, Ienjoy taking a shower here at school instead of waiting until I get home.You’re welcome to shower as well if you want.” My heart began beating so loudlyI was sure he would hear. “I think I will,” I managed to say.In the locker room, I nervously began to undress. Here it was, happening like Ihad imagined it. We made small talk as I tried hard to play the “look withoutlooking like I am looking” game. It was almost not fun as I concentrated onself-control and not letting myself show too much excitement. Coach hadcompletely stripped down and I was wearing only my shorts when he said, “I’llgo get us some towels.” He walked away, leaving me to stare at his nakedbackside again. After he had gone, I took off my shorts and walked naked intothe large shower room. Coach returned with the towels and joined me in theshower. We made small talk and I became more relaxed. Coach never seemed uneasyat all.After what seemed like all to short a time, Coach said, “We should probably getdressed. The night crew will be in here cleaning soon.” Reluctantly I followedhim out of the shower. We both dressed and walked to our cars. On the way out,as we talked, I could feel Coach standing close to me. I enjoyed his closeness,the sound of his voice, and the pictures of him in my mind both clothed andnaked. I also felt content that he had seen me naked as well.As I got to my car, Coach turned and said, “Now don’t forget, we also walk onFriday night!” He smiled that wonderful smile, his eyes sparkling.I şişli escort spoke to Coach a few times on Thursday. He caught me by surprise as I stoodin our workroom running copies. No one else was around as he came up behind andsaid quietly, “On Friday, the cleaning crew and everyone else is gone fairlyearly. We won’t have to hurry so much if we don’t want too.”His face was very close to mine as I found my breath to say, “OK.” That was allI could manage. He smiled that amazing smile as he put his arm around me andgave a quick squeeze before he left. I stood at the copy machine trying torecall what I had been doing as everything was wiped from my mind.Friday after school was the same routine. He was already out at the track whileI was changing. I wondered about this until I caught up with him. As if readingmy mind, he began to explain. “Lots of people around here like to talk,” hesaid. “I don’t like to give them anything to talk about. Seems that a few ofthem already have an opinion of me, and they don’t really like that opinion.That is the bad part about being in a small town. Too many people with nothingbetter to do than talk without thinking. I just want you to be careful.” Wewalked for a while in silence as I thought about his words.After our laps, we headed for the locker room. Again, he was undressed andnaked first, while I still had on my shorts. This time, however, he didn’tleave to get towels, but said, “Go ahead and take off those shorts and let’s goget out towels. We can take our time tonight.” I did as he said and we walkednaked together to the towel room.As he handed me my towel, I turned to walk in front of him back to the shower.I felt my heart flutter as he spoke.”Have you lost weight?” he asked. “Either that or you just look differentwithout any clothes on. Whatever the case, you look great.”I was shocked at his candidness, but very happy to know he was looking at me. Icould feel his eyes moving over my naked backside.As we stood in the shower, Coach asked, “Would you mind if I asked you to washmy back?””Not at all,” I said, taking the soap from himI began to rub the soap around his shoulders as he said, “That feels good. Ithas been too long since anyone has touched me.”Moving down his back, I stopped right at the top of his behind. “If you don’tmind, ” he said turning his head to me, “you can go all the way down to myfeet.””Sure,” I think I replied, as I let knelt down. I had never touched a naked manlike this, but had wanted to do so for so long. I soaped his bottom, feelingthe soft flesh, and let my hands run up and down his legs. It was then I wasshocked to find that I had grown very hard.I stood quickly, scratching myself to try to hide the erection. Coach turnedaround and asked, “Do you mind doing the front?”I continued to hold myself when Coach looked at my crotch and pulled my handaway, so he could see how stiff I was. “Don’t worry about that, ” he said. “Itake it as quite a compliment. Why don’t you finish washing me then I can doyou?”I looked up into his eyes and saw a mixture of love and understanding, not toodifferent than what I had seen all those years ago as a scared freshman. Thistime, however, there was a touch of lust, genuine attraction that I neverthought I would see in the eyes of another man.As I began soaping his chest, he told me of his first time with a man. It hadbeen while in the military, a long way form home and lonely. He told me how incollege he had been with a couple of different guys, both of whom claimed thatthey were not gay, that he was the one with the problem. This experience anddriven him even deeper into the closet, and had influenced his decision tobecome a teacher and try to help others that are often picked on. As Icontinued to soap his body, he talked about how he married, wanting to hide thefact that he was gay. At was as if he had wanted for a long time to tell hisstory.I was on my knees in front of him as he finished. Looking up into his eyes, Isaw him smile as I took his member into my hand for the first time. I wasamazed at the feeling it gave me to touch him, to hold him. I stood up as hepulled me to him, both of us very hard, and held me in a wonderful embrace. Aswe parted, he looked down at our erections, smiled and said, “We have to dosomething about this.”Coach turned me around so my back was to his front. Wrapping both arms aroundmy waist, he held me close to him. He then moved his left arm to wrap tightlyaround my chest. He lowered his right arm and took my erection into his righthand. I could feel his erection pressed into the flesh of my backside and mylower back. His head rested on my right shoulder, with his lips just grazing myear.”I am so glad we are here, ” he said as he began to pull on me and rub himselfinto my back at the same time. It wasn’t long before my body found his rhythm.We moved in unison, his lips and warm breath caressing my neck as I lay my headback on his left shoulder.All too soon I came in a gush of passion. As I went limp in his arms, I kept myback pressed firmly to him as I could feel he was going to come. I felt awonderful moistness erupt on my back. He turned me around then, holding meclose, and kissed me solidly on the lips. We stayed that way for a long time,our hands caressing each other.We were quiet as we began to cleanup, as Coach asked, “Any regrets?”I sat down naked on the floor of the shower. “No. None at all. After denying solong who I am and what I need, I am amazed to feel so complete, so unashamed.”Coach walked over and sat beside me. “Good. No matter what anyone else may say,neither of us has anything to be ashamed of.”After we had finished cleaning and were dressing, Coach asked, “Got any plansfor tonight or tomorrow?””None at all, ” I said with a smile.”Good,” he said, “you are welcome to come my place. There we can relax.”As we got in our cars and I followed him home, I found myself feeling a senseof peace that I had not dreamed possible.And so, we are still blessed with that peace. Coach and I continue to see eachother after nine months. We still have to be careful, as others want to talkabout things that are not their business. But it has become fun, those littlewinks and smiles at work. It seems that I did find home and it was in a placewhere I never expected it. Maybe God, destiny, fate, whatever you want to callit, is somewhat twisted, but I am glad I followed the winding path.

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