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This is a Earth Day contest story. Please vote.
Comparing the benefits of protein in Larry vs. Chobani Greek yogurt.
“You’re not going to believe what happened to me on the flight here, Charlie,” said Larry.
“What? Did those bastards lose your luggage again? Sons of a bitches, I hate that when–“
“No, nothing like that. It was something good, this time. It was something so unbelievable that I could write an X-rated story about it,” said Larry with a big smile.
“Stuff like this never happens to me,” said Larry smiling a wide smile.
“What? Tell me. What happened that’s so good that you could write an X-rated story about it?” Charlie looked at him with a jaundiced eye. “Don’t tell me you joined the Mile High Club?” He said sneering a chuckle.
“Actually, I didn’t think of that, but I guess I am a proud member of the Mile High Club,” said Larry smiling ear to ear.
“You? The Mile High Club? No way,” said Charlie with a laugh. “What was she blind and butt ugly?”
“Hey, sometimes a fat guy like me gets lucky once in a while,” said Larry. “And truth be told, she was extraordinarily beautiful with a body that matched her face.”
“Okay, you have my interest. Tell me what happened.”
“Well, it all started when I met a woman on the plane.”
“That’s a good start. I’m glad it was a woman and not a man,” said Charlie with a laugh.
“I’m serious, Charlie. It all started when I met this woman on the plane and–“
“Yeah, so, what’s so unusual about meeting a woman on a plane, unless it was Hilary Clinton, Sarah Palin, or especially Jenna Jameson? I meet a lot of women on planes. Trust me, nothing ever comes of meeting a woman on a plane and knowing you, you’re too stoically inhibited to be a member of the Mile High Club. I don’t believe for one minute that you’re a member of such a sexually provocative club,” said Charlie with another laugh. “You’re making this all up to get even with me for the gag I pulled with the stripper at your birthday party.”
“Actually, I forgot about that, hiring a stripper to pretend to be my temporary lab assistant. Now you make me wish I had gotten her cell phone number. I could have proven my Mile High Club membership to you then,” said Larry with a laugh.
“If they give you their phone number, it’s usually a phony one to the police station in Dallas. Trust me, I’ve never hooked up with a woman on a plane, be it stewardess or passenger and I fly all the time,” said Charlie with a look of disappointment and a shrug. “And look at me compared to you. I’m much better looking and have a muscular body,” said Charlie rubbing Larry’s belly, as if he was a lucky Buddha statue.
“Well, I never hooked up with a woman on a plane either, that is, until today. Today, I’ve lived life on the wild side. Today, if only for today, I feel as if I’m a stud in a porn movie. And just as I said before, sometimes we fat guys get lucky, once in a while.”
“Actually, not that I’d ever want to hook up with a woman on a plane and have sex with someone, other than my wife,” said Charlie. With the woman that I have in my life, I’m one hundred percent satisfied. I’m totally faithful. I’d never cheat on my wife, not in a million years. I love her to death. Trust me, she’s all the woman I’d ever want and need.”
“You’re a lucky man, Charlie. I wish I could find someone like that.”
“Now, my wife, on the other hand, because she’s so frigging gorgeous and built like a porn star, if you know what I mean,” said Charlie, while moving his hands in the shape of an hourglass, “always has perverts hitting on her. She can’t go anywhere alone without some guy trying to sexually assault, molest her, or ask her out for a date.”
“Really? Wow. That sucks. I never met your wife, but I’m sure she’s all you say she is.”
“Oh, she is and more. Every flight she takes, she has a story to tell about some guy hitting on her, groping her, and talking dirty to her. Just once, I’d like to get my hands around the neck of one of those dirty, perverted bastards,” said Larry. “I’ve been taking Karate lessons, you know. My hands are lethal weapons. When I’m not breaking wood with my bare hands, I’ve been working out with those kettle bells.”
“Gees, Charlie, calm down. I’m not defending these perverts” said Larry, “but I can understand how being trapped in a metal tube flying 500 miles per hour at thirty-thousand feet in the air with a captive audience, especially sitting next to a woman so beautiful and sexy, may give a man dirty thoughts and sexual ideas. Now that you mention it and especially after what happened to me on the plane, I’m gonna go on a diet and start pumping some weight to get back in shaped. With all the work and traveling I’ve been doing, I’ve let myself go.”
“I thought you met, Sheila.”
“My wife. I thought we had you over the house the last time you were in New York,” said Charlie.
“Oh, yeah, I was supposed to come to your house last year güvenilir canlı bahis siteleri for that cocktail party that you were throwing for all those Earth Day big shots, but my flight was cancelled,” said Larry. “They found an errant suitcase with no one claiming it. They evacuated the airport, rerouted planes, and cancelled flights, but after the robot opened the suitcase, it was just clothes.”
“Oh, yeah, I remember now. Sheila was supposed to pick you up at the airport. Well, anyway, you’d like her. For someone so beautiful, you’d never think she’s so smart and has a Ph. D in Geosciences. Trust me, especially in bed, with the body of a stripper, you’d think she was more a swinger than a scientist. The woman is insatiable,” said Charlie. “If I didn’t know what a brainiac she is, an egghead from MIT, I’d think she was a nymphomaniac.”
“Even though I’m envious of you, that’s just a little too much personal information, Charlie, seeing as I’ve never met your wife, Sheila. Now, when I finally meet Dr. Sheila, I’ll be thinking more about sex than science,” said Larry with a laugh. “I’d rather make up my own mind about her, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course, of course. Yeah, well,” said Charlie with a laugh. “Get your mind out of the gutter, when you meet my wife, the love of my life, later. We can’t be tarnishing her reputation with lurid and lascivious thoughts. She’s still my wife and very much the modest, albeit personably professional lady and the professor of geosciences at the university, that is, except for when she’s alone with me behind closed doors. Then, she only has eyes for me.”
“Oh, is she here?” Larry looked around the airport terminal. “Am I finally going to meet your beloved wife, the gifted academician?”
“Yeah, she just had to go to customs to clear the rock, soil, and plant samples she collected from the South American rainforest she’s carrying in her luggage,” said Charlie. “If you don’t mind waiting, you two can meet and I’ll give you a lift to your hotel.”
“Sure, that would be great,” said Larry. “That would save me from having to take a cab.”
“So, tell me,” said Charlie giving Larry a look of anticipated excitement, “you didn’t finish telling me what happened to you on the plane?”
“You’re not going to believe this because I still don’t believe this,” said Larry with a big smile on his face. “Oh, my God. If I watched this on a porn film, not that I watch porn films, except when I’m alone in my hotel room and that’s all there is to do, but if I was to watch this on a porn movie, I’d never believe it.”
“Yeah, so tell me,” said Charlie. “The suspense is killing me.”
“Okay. There I was sitting on a plane heading for the big Earth Day conference in Las Vegas, as you know, and here we are in sunny Las Vegas,” said Larry to his friend Charlie. “I still can’t believe they decided to hold the Earth Day conference in Vegas of all places, instead of where they always hold it in New York. Wow! I can’t tell you how much money I’ll save just on cab fares, and with all the buffets, the food is cheaper and better here, too. In Vegas, as opposed to New York, everything is self-contained on the strip and within walking distances of dozens of casinos. They had an inspired idea to hold the Earth Day symposium here.”
“Focus Larry, focus. Tell me what happened with the woman on the plane,” said Charlie.
“Oh, yeah, sorry. So, there was this woman sitting next to me on the plane, a beautiful blonde with big tits. You know the type, a Loni Anderson look-a-like, only younger and better looking.”
“Wow. If that’s your type of woman, wait until you meet Sheila. She makes Loni Anderson look like dog food.”
“Anyway, she had a lot of jiggling cleavage showing and that’s what caught my attention. You know how much I love tits.”
“Oh, I do, especially after George’s retirement party, when that stripper was sticking her big tits in your face, before she planted them on your head.”
“Oh, God, she had big boobs, didn’t she? Her tits were bigger than that stripper you hired for my birthday party. They were huge. They had to be double EE’s or bigger. She was a regular Chesty Morgan, that one. I don’t know what it is about big breasted women but I–“
“Focus, Larry, focus. I’d like to hear the story, before Sheila arrives,” said Charlie.
“Oh, yeah, so anyway, she asked the stewardess for a blanket.”
“Yeah, so? It’s cold on those flights sometimes.”
“Let me tell the story,” said Larry with a laugh.
“Sorry,” said Charlie. “Okay, please continue.”
“Well, when she asked for the blanket, I figured the show was over and that was it for me ogling her big tits,” said Larry. “I figured, no doubt, she saw me staring at her boobs and was going to cover them up with a blanket.”
“I love a woman with big tits, too. My Sheila has an unbelievable rack, too,” said Charlie.
“Excuse me, stewardess,” she said. “I’m a bit chilly. May I have a blanket? I didn’t think anything güvenilir illegal bahis siteleri of it, but when she asked for the stewardess for the blanket. When the stewardess returned with the blanket, that gave me an excuse to give her tits the hairy eyeball. Her tits were so big that, for sure, I figured they were rubber-like inert, synthetic compounds, polymers, made from carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen.”
“Gees, Larry, sometimes I wonder if you’re not a Vulcan. You’d get along with my wife. Sometimes, you two talk like Mr. Spock on Star Trek. Do you mean you suspected she had implants, silicone breasts?”
“Yeah, sorry for being so technical,” said Larry. “Only, upon closer examination, which I’ll get to later, they were definitely natural. Oh yeah, they were 100% all American beef.”
“Sheila’s big boobs are natural, too,” said Charlie. “I love women who have big, natural breasts.”
“Anyway, from my viewpoint and because of the low cut top she was wearing, she was giving me a nice down blouse view and, let me tell you, I was so glad she used the blanket to cover just her lap and not her breasts.”
“Yeah, yeah, Larry. Get on with the story before my wife gets here,” said Charlie nervously turning to look for the arrival of his wife and the premature end to Larry’s story.
“Okay,” said Larry. “Of course, said the stewardess and she returns with a blanket.”
“Yeah, yeah, enough about the blanket, Larry. Tell me what happened.” Charlie looked at his watch, before looking at his friend with much interest.
“Well, you know, I didn’t think anything of the woman asking for a blanket because she was cold but then, when I’m looking out the window at the ground below, which I couldn’t see because we were up so high. All that I saw were cumulonimbus clouds, that is, until I saw her reflection in the window.”
“Forget about the cumulonimbus clouds, Larry. What about the blonde broad? What did you see, when you saw her reflection?”
“Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a movement under the blanket she had over her lap. When I looked over at her, this broad had her eyes closed with the blanket draped over her lap and her head back. I couldn’t believe my eyes.”
“What? What did she smuggle a pet onboard the plane? A puppy? A kitty?”
“You could say she had a pet but the only pet this broad was snuggling was her pussy. She was whacking off.”
“Whacking off? What do you mean whacking off? Women can’t whack off, unless she was one of those transsexuals,” said Charlie. “Is that what happened? You had sex with a transsexual? To each their own Larry, but I’m not into transsexuals.”
“Okay, she was masturbating then,” said Larry with a big smile on his face. “Trust me, she wasn’t a man. She was all woman,” said Larry with a laugh.
“Holy shit. No way,” said Charlie looking at his friend. “How come I don’t get lucky like that? Did you see anything? I mean, did you see her panty or her pussy?”
“Well, yeah. Since she had her eyes closed, I ever so slowly and gently lifted up the corner of the blanket. Her skirt was up to her waist and her finger was buried in her blonde pussy,” said Larry. “She wasn’t wearing any panties and I saw her trimmed pussy, Charlie.
“Wow,” said Charlie. “Even though that is certainly hot to have a beautiful woman sitting next to you, while masturbating and seeing her pussy, that certainly doesn’t make you a member of the Mile High Club.”
“Wait, there’s more,” said Larry with a laugh. “Her exposed pussy was so close and yet so far away. I so wanted to ask her if she needed a hand and/or a finger. I just held up the blanket enough to watch her fingering herself. I never saw a woman masturbate before, other than on those Internet videos, not that I ever watch those Internet videos, but sometimes, when alone in my hotel room, well, you know, and I need a little relief.”
“That’s just a little too much information, Larry. Let’s just stick with the broad in the story. That’s an image I’d rather have or her masturbating that one of you masturbating.”
“So, anyway, I’m not embarrassed to admit, but watching her made me terribly horny,” said Larry.
“You lucky bastard. How come stuff like that never happens to me? Damn, that’s so hot.”
“That’s not all of it,” said Larry.
“What? What do you mean that’s not all of it? There’s more?” Charlie looked incredulously at his friend. “What else happened? Tell me.”
“Okay, okay, calm down, Charlie,” said Larry with a laugh. “There I am holding the raised blanket by the corner, when she opens her eyes and turns to look at me, while still masturbating. Oh, my God. She wasn’t even embarrassed. She didn’t even miss a stroke with her finger.”
“Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Larry. Did she say anything?”
“Oh, yeah, she did,” she Larry with a Cheshire cat smile.
“What did she say? Tell me, what did she say, when you saw her pussy? Was she pissed that you saw her pussy?”
“No, not at all. That’s the thing. güvenilir bahis şirketleri She gives me a smile and then she says, do you like what you see?”
“Oh, fuck me! Are you kidding me? Oh, if that was me, I would have told her I definitely liked what I was seeing,” said Charlie. “I love blonde pussies. Sheila has a blonde pussy, too. So, tell me, what did you say to her? Oh, my God! I can’t fucking believe what a lucky bastard you are.”
“I said, you know, miss, watching you playing with yourself has made me terribly horny,” I said still holding up the blanket and still staring at her blonde pussy. She still had her wiggling finger buried up to her knuckle in her pussy.”
“Wow,” said Charlie. “Wow. You’re making this shit up. This can’t be true. This is a joke. This is your way of getting back at me for that stripper at your birthday party. Right?”
“I swear to you, Charlie. This really happened.”
“Okay, so what did she say when you told her she made you terribly horny?”
“I’m sorry to have disturbed you,” she said. “I thought you were sleeping.”
“I can’t believe you had a conversation with a beautiful broad about her masturbating, while she was still masturbating. This is so bold, so very bold of you, Larry. Actually, this isn’t like you at all. You’re so reserved and respectful otherwise.”
“Actually, I have to be with my students, but when I’m not in the lecture hall, I’m a tiger on the loose.”
“So what did you say to her…tiger?”
“To be honest,” I said. “I wouldn’t mind a hand job right about now, myself.”
“Get the fuck out of here. No way? You didn’t say that to her. Did you?” Charlie looked at his friend with shock. “Did you really say that to her?”
“Oh, my God. Way to go, Larry. Way to go. That’s so brazen, so very brazen of you to say that to her.”
“Normally, I’d never say anything like that to a woman, especially a strange woman, but with this woman being, as you so aptly put, so brazen, masturbating in public on a plane, I did say that to her. She made me so horny that I couldn’t stop myself from saying how I felt.”
“Is that when she slapped your face?”
“Hardly,” laughed Larry. “A long shot, having faith in the principle, you don’t ask, you don’t get, yet, knowing full well that she never would, while risking a slapped face, I was hoping she’d take me up on my query and give me a hand job. I figured a quickie was my only chance to be with someone like her, even if we were up thirty-thousand feet. If I allowed this opportunity to pass me by, I’d be kicking myself later in my hotel room for not taking a shot, albeit a long-shot.”
“And what did she say?”
“Ah, my professional colleague, it’s not so much what she said, it’s what she did.”
“What did she do, Larry? Tell me. What did she do?”
“She looked over at me and gave me a warm smile, as if we had been intimate friends forever. She was so very pretty, Charlie, even prettier when she smiled. Then, she said, being that I’m already so very horny, it would be my pleasure to masturbate you, too. Think of it as our mutual masturbation pleasure.”
“Fuck me,” said Charlie. “Oh, my God! Fuck me! I can’t fucking believe this. This is the most erotic story I’ve ever heard. You’re such a lucky bastard, Larry. A real lucky bastard.”
“She reached her left hand from under her blanket, pulled part of the blanket over my lap, and unzipped my fly. Then, she reached her hand in my pants, down inside my boxers, and pulled out my pecker.”
“Wow! Fuck me! Fuck me, Larry. Fuck me!” Charlie gave him a look of disbelief. “I don’t believe you. Now I know you’re putting me one. You’re making all this shit up. You’re still angry over that practical joke we played on you with the exploding Bunsen burner. Right? Aren’t you? Is that it?”
“Charlie, I swear on a super nova. Wait, you know how much I’m intrigued by black holes. I swear on a black hole that all of this happened, just as I’m telling it.”
“Swear on a Quasar,” said Charlie raising his right hand, too. “I know you. You’d never swear on a Quasar and lie.”
“I swear on a Quasar,” said Larry raising his right hand, “that all of this happened, just as I’m telling it.”
“Okay, I believe you, now. So, finish the story. Tell me what happened next,” said Charlie. “Hurry, before Sheila comes.”
“Well, let me tell you, the feeling of my cock in her hand was like nothing I have ever felt before. Her hand was so warm and so experienced. She knew just how to touch me, feel me, and fondle me to get me the hardest I’ve ever been in my life.”
“Sheila gives an amazing hand job, too. She’s skilled. She knows just how to get me off with her magical hand jobs.”
“Oh, well, this woman gave me the best hand job I ever had in my life,” said Larry with a satisfied smile.
“This is an unbelievable story, Larry. I can’t wait to get Sheila home and role play this later tonight in bed. That’s what we do, you know. She loves to role play. She’s always looking for scenarios like this that we can act out in bed later and this is a good one. Oh, my God. She can be the passenger on the plane masturbating herself and I’ll be you, the unsuspecting, albeit horny passenger. Wow!”
“Now, who’s the lucky one having a wife who enjoys role playing?”
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